What Were You Wearing

A Poem by Dr. Mary Simmerling

White t-shirt and black basketball shorts. It was always the same outfit. It was always after rec center league. I trusted him. My mom trusted him.

A cute mini-dress. I loved it the moment I saw it. I had some killer heels too. I just wanted to have a good time that night, look cute, and hang with my sisters. He kept getting me shots, over and over again. The next thing I remember is crawling around on the floor looking for that stupid dress. 

A sundress. Months later, my mother would stand in front of my closet and complain about how I never wore any of my dresses anymore. I was six years old. 

My work uniform. A red shirt, black leggings, and converse. They were wearing the same thing just with cargo shorts, they were my supervisor.

I was wearing a sari. The same thing I wear most days. It was what I was comfortable in. It reminded me of home, of my family, of my identity. Now it reminds me of him.

Army ACU's and I was carrying a gun. So much for that preventing anything.

Blue pajamas. I wasn’t feeling well and he came over to ‘take care of me’. I trusted him and he raped me.

I think sweats and a t-shirt. I went to his place to study. I couldn’t process what happened. He was a worship leader at his church. 

T-shirt and jeans. It happened to me three times, by three different people in my life. Each time I was wearing a t-shirt and jeans.