Some of the most joyful moments of my life as a priest have been spent at weddings. I have been privileged to officiate or co-officiate at over two hundred of them since my ordination. This would be a low number compared to most parish priests, who officiate at more weddings in one year than I do in five or six.
When I officiate at a wedding, I want to go the whole distance with the couple: to meet with them for the marriage preparation sessions and the planning of the liturgy, not just to breeze in at the rehearsal and preside at the wedding liturgy. That means I need to set aside sufficient time for these sessions. Officiating at one wedding means setting aside the equivalent of a week's (5 days') worth of evenings (three preparation sessions, the rehearsal, and the wedding itself). This can become difficult since many of my academic and other pastoral responsibilities are already scheduled in the evenings. At this point, I usually max out at about six to eight weddings a year before I have to start declining requests. So, the best thing to do is to contact me well in advance.
There are some other things you should know before you "propose" that I officiate at your wedding. Much as I try to be flexible when it comes to weddings, there are certain guidelines that I must ask couples to accept. Some of these have been established by the church (either the "universal" church or the local chapel or parish). Some of them are things that I have come to insist upon for the sake of respecting the integrity of the liturgy. I always try to personalize a wedding as much as possible. That said, the liturgy (ritual) belongs to the whole church, and it is not possible to be flexible about everything.
These guidelines are:
In order for me to officiate at a wedding, at least one of the parties must be Catholic. If a wedding is going to take place in a church of another denomination (Lutheran, Methodist, etc.) I may "co-officiate," but not be the main officiator, even if one of the parties is Catholic. There are rare exceptions to this latter rule, but generally I am bound by it.
Both parties must be free to marry (according to church law) before any definite plans can be made for a Catholic wedding. If one of the parties has been married before, certain procedures must take place before I can be authorized to proceed with a wedding. This is true even if the person who was married before is not Catholic. Whether a full annulment or a shorter procedure needs to take place depends on the circumstances of the first marriage. I would be happy to answer any questions you have about this, or refer you to someone who can.
I generally cannot do a wedding outdoors or in a reception hall chapel. Catholic weddings (the only kind I am authorized to officiate) must take place in a church. There are some rare exceptions, usually involving a wedding where one of the parties is not baptized. Some dioceses will not allow an outdoor wedding even under these conditions. If you want to get married in a garden or at the reception hall, you must seek another officiator. Frankly, I agree with the rule that Catholic weddings should be in a church. I'd be happy to explain why (but not here).
When two Catholics are getting married, I strongly encourage them to plan a nuptial Mass. A ceremony without Mass should be a rare exception in this case. Sometimes, for various reasons, couples who are planning a wedding with me are not regular churchgoers. You should know in advance that this is an issue I will want to discuss. Not that I will refuse to do your wedding on this basis, but I really think it is important that couples who are marrying in the church have a real relationship with the Catholic community. (Let me also add, for those who may have "problems with the church," that you will be talking with someone who has some problems with the church himself, so this conversation will not take the form of a lecture or reprimand!)
The music that is used in the liturgy must be "sacred" or "liturgical" music. Popular songs should not be included in the liturgy, though one or two might be appropriate as preludes. As a general rule, any song that could be played at your reception probably should NOT be played in church. I know there are a lot of nice songs with beautiful lyrics -- I am a musician myself and play in a band that covers many popular tunes -- but I really think that out of respect for the dignity and solemnity of the liturgy, pop songs don't belong in church. If you have any questions about whether a tune is appropriate, please ask me or the music minister who will be playing at your wedding.
Finally, I must be fully in charge at the rehearsal. I've learned from experience that it has to be this way. I take a lot of time beforehand with each couple to go over their desires and preferences. Once we get to the night of the rehearsal, there can be very little discussion about options. Otherwise we'll never finish in a reasonable amount of time. In this connection, I ask that couples and their guests respect my judgment about the best way to arrange seating, orchestrate the processions, etc. I need to arrange things in a way that I know will help the liturgy to flow smoothly. This will ensure that I celebrate the liturgy in the proper frame of mind, and not add any unnecessary tension to your wedding day!
Thanks for taking the time to read these reflections. If you are planning a wedding, congratulations! and if you are thinking of asking me to officiate, know that I am honored to be considered. And I hope I can say "yes."
FYI: Because of personal and college commitments, I am generally not available for weddings during the first two weekends of August, Labor Day weekend, the weekend after Labor Day, and the first weekend in October.